I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
