covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
