and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
