in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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