i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
