We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
