I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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