did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so explain again why im purple
no
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
