you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
