Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
