Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
