Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
