My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
