The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
