we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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