You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
