I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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