Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Bring me that man meat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
