I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
