Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
