Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
