it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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