do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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