She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ok first of all what the fuck
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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