the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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