Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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