I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
