i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
