i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
