is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
