Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
