So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
