We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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