More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
