dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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