i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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