I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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