She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
