My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
