these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
