Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Screwed.edu
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
