The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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