And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
