just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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