Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
