Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
