hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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