If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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