It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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