My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
