How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
