what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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