just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.