I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!