For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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