who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
