i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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