I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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