Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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