mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
