I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
