She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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