Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
