We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize