Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
