Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
