You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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