you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
