They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
