I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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